Movie : The Notebook

I thought this was supposed to be this great Award-Winning romance movie.  Little did I know the majority of its awards were TEEN CHOICE AWARDS!!!

This movie is painfully obvious in everything it does.  Like, it's a romance story because that's what it reads on the back of the box.   I like Noah's beard, but that's about it.

Recommend?  Only if you are 13 to 19, apparently. 

Movie : 1408

This movie got some good reviews somewhere, but THIS AINT ONE OF THEM!

I just didn't find the scary in this scary movie.  I DID like the ending, but what can you say about a movie when the only thing you liked is the ending? 

I guess I can try to summarize the movie for everyone.  There was this room that made some cracks in the walls, and then the pictures sometimes were crooked, and sometimes I Love Lucy walked through the room and jumped out a window, and then sometimes the room was Freezy, and sometimes the telephone rang... I mean basically it's like any of our old college apartments.

The best thing about this movie, besides I guess an ending I liked, was that Samual L. Jackson was in the movie for five minutes.  At the beginning of the movie he's all like "I'm telling you don't go in room 1408??  Don't be a bitch!  You gonna get killed!"  and then at the end of the movie he smiles and smokes a cigar and says to the camera "You see, Sammy J always knows what he's muthafuckin' talking about."

Recommend?  Don't watch this unless it's in the background and you are drinking and playing board games with neighbors.

Movie : Halloween (Rob Zombie's remake)

I haven't seen the original Halloween, or Halloween II: Escape from Halloween, or Halloween III: Revenge of the Halloweens, or Halloween IV: It's That Time Again, or Halloween V: Halloween Ressurection, or Halloween VI: Freddy vs. Halloween, or Halloween VII: Halloween's in Queens, or Halloween VIII: The Nightmare of Jason, or Halloween IX: Halloween at 30,000 Ft, or even the highly touted Halloween X: Halloween Galaxy..."in space no one can Trick or Treat"... so I was excited to get to finally learn what all this Halloween business was about.

The movie starts with a young Halloween, and the little Halloween kid is spooky!  Then it moves to what I believe is the modern-day Halloween, and the big Halloween man is not AS spooky as the kid, but spooky enough.  I was very pleased with this film.  It had a good amount of gore, a basic but good story, and was lacking the "cheese" that soooo many horror films load up on.  Throw in many topless girls getting killed, and I have to say this movie makes a perfect Halloween rental.

Recommend?  Yes.  Much more enjoyable than I expected.

Movie : Prom Night

Total snooze fest.  

"Here let me stab you.  You hear that?  That sound like someone is punching a bag of Doritos? That is me stabbing you in the stomach.  That crinkling noise like a chips bag and that crunching like breaking potato chips is the sound of your intestines being stabbed.  Pretty gruesome, huh?"

"Oh, hey, do you like how I'm going to kill every person in this movie by stabbing them repeatedly in the guts?  I am the world's first gut-stab-only killer.  Pretty awesome huh?  By the way, anyone thinking of a big full bag of potato chips right about now?  I am.  I get this way everytime I stab prom kids in the guts."

Recommend?  A solid No on this one folks.  This movie isn't even bad in a GOOD way.  Ugh.

Movie : Oldboy

I was told this was a revenge flick. And I was told it would probably make me uncomfortable.

It was, and it did. But neither in the ways I was expecting. A double-decker awkward surprise!

Recommend: You will regret NOT seeing it, but then maybe regret seeing it. What can I say?

Movie: Oldboy

When "The Strangers" came out this year, my friend told me that if I like disturbing movies, then I had to rent "Oldboy".

The word "disturbing" doesn't quite cover the scope of what happened in this film. The main character is given 5 days to unravel a 15+ year mystery. (She was feisty, but not even on her best days could Jessica Fletcher meet this deadline!) During his journey, the following words apply: "Disturbing", "Nightmarish", "Depraved", "Freakin' Bizarre", "Who the Heck Wrote This?????".

(Note: Here's your newest poster's first attempt to write a vague review. Allow me to say that I couldn't have picked a better movie to be vague about. To give more info would reveal too much.)

Recommend: Um, no. I would never recommend this to another person. In fact, the "friend" that recommended this is now dead to me. But, if you like watching women on the toilet, you should watch this film. In the privacy of your own home. With the blinds shut.

Movie: From Beijing With Love

The topic of Steven Chow has come up recently, and less recently. Everyone knows Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer, but Steven Chow has made something like 50 movies! Most of them are Hong Kong pictures, without the big special effects, and more Chinese sensibility, so they haven't caught on in the West.

I will recommend my favorite! "From Beijing With Love" is the title you might be able to find it under. The original title is 国产凌凌漆: "Homemade 007". It's the Steven Chow James Bond movie!

It's pretty funny, and very exciting.

Recommend: Here is a clip. Imagine how funny it is if you can find it with subtitles! I have a copy if anyone wants one...

Magazines : Girls and Corpses

Please, do not ask me how I came across this. I think it's fake. I'm 99.5% sure that this is fake. I mean, the magazine is real. It's very real. But I think the content is fake. I mean, I think it is fake. I want it to be fake. I want it VERY BADLY to be fake. And I think it's fake.

But... there is 0.5% of me... nah, surely it's fake! Surely?

Recommend? Help me!

Candy : Chocolate Skittles

More like Barfolate Skittles. Can I get some more chemically chocolate flavor, por favor???

Recommend: Only if you are in a serious candy pinch.

Movie : Dark Knight

I heard this movie was supposed to be good, but it was better than I even expected. And since they got rid of Mrs. Tom Cruise, EVERY actor... EVERY character was very well done. I've been thinking about the Joker all last night and all day today actually. That guy has gotten to me.

Recommend? Yes. I need to see it again.

Movie : Brokeback Mountain

This movie will make even the straightest of dudes wish, even for just a moment, that they could wrassle' one of their buddies.

Recommend? Deep down inside don't we all want a strong pair of arms to hold us through the night???

Movie : Wall-E

How can a movie where 95% of the dialog is:

"Eeeeeee-vah!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeee-vah!"

"Wahhhhhh-LEEE!"

"Eeeeeeee-vah!"

...be so damn good? This is how.

Recommend? YES. The best the best the best the best the best.

Movie: Indiana Jones 4

The first hour had Indiana Jones in america, fighting russians in a secret warehouse and escaping from an atom bomb test. The very best part of the movie was Indiana Jones climbing a hillside with a towering mushroom cloud burning in the distance. At some point a whole team of characters including Indiana Jones and his stunt double went to south america to search for aliens, and crystal skulls or something.

Recommend: I totally recommend the first hour, the remainder is optional.

TV show: Naruto

It's a great show! I really like it. Part of the fun is searching for episodes on Youtube. It's full of lots of fighting and backstories and people with different powers and things. I'll bet there are lots of toys and cardgames and things based on it. It is, in my opinion, the best cartoon I've ever watched.

Recommend: Yes! Japanese talking with english subtitles is best, followed by English talking which is usually good. Sometimes you have to settle for japanese talking with portuguese subtitles but I took spanish in high school so it's alright.

Movie : Next

A Nicholas Cage movie that somehow slipped past me?!? My brother told me this: "You can tell if a Nicholas Cage movie is good or not by the amount of his hair. If he is bald, it's a good movie. If he has long hair, it sucks. But 'Next' breaks that trend."

I agree! Cage has long hair, and this is still a decent movie! But, I also liked Con Air. So...

Recommend? Ha! If you liked Con Air!

Movie : White Noise

I was told this was a scary movie, but the scariest part was the sounds the opening menu of the DVD made while it was looping around and I was getting my dogs settled for bed. The movie is about ghosts talking through your radio static, or something to that effect... I didn't quite understand the ending. Michael Keyton made that weird smile-face he did in his first Batman movie!

Recommend? Maybe. It was more interesting than a B-grade horror.

TV Show : Battlestar Galactica

I just thought: "Have I recommended this show to anyone? Do my friends watch this show?" I don't know the answers to these questions. SO...a review: is this the best show ever? I don't know. But it's in the top five, for sure.

Recommend? Hell yes. It rules. Hard. If you haven't watched it, get season one and go to town. Seriously. Better than Star Trek. Better than...well, most things. If you don't watch it, you're oviously a frakkin' Cylon.

Movie: Idiocracy

I saw the last half of this a couple of months ago, and thought it was pretty funny. Really funny, actually. I wondered, what is this movie, and why have I never heard of it? I thought I had heard of everything. It's a sci-fi movie by Mike Judge!

Anyway, now I find that somebody's got the whole movie up on Youtube, and I watched it for MLK day. My suspicions were confirmed.

Recommend: Best movie of the decade!

Movie : Cloverfield

I will copy/paste the first line of a junk mail in my spam box today:

"In 2008, make sure as what you have hidden in your pants is the size of monster."

Whoa.

First time I can remember everyone leaving the theater in totally silence when the movie ended.

Whoa.

Recommend: Yeah, it was fun and refreshing and not what I expected.